a glimpse of life at home
this past week our normal childcare arrangement was unavailable and i was unable to find backup. i planned to watch bina at work over my lunch break while david was in class, but my supervisor graciously allowed me to work from home on tuesday and thursday instead. obviously this is nothing like watching sabina 24/7 because most of the day i was still working. but it was a nice little glimpse into what my life will be like in just under a month when we make the move to michigan. who doesn't want this little creeper hanging around you all day long. ha.
when i don't have to commute to work, i gain an extra hour of sleep. major bonus. typically bina doesn't wake up for the day until 6:30-7:30am. when i get up for work, i'm up at 5:20. ugh. it really sucked back when bina would wake at 4:30am to feed and by the time she was done, there wasn't time for me to go back to sleep before i had to get up for work. that's when i had my little stint with coffee. now that we're back to sleeping mostly, i prefer my milk and water. (separately, not combined). ha.
10 months is a really fun time. bina is into everything and fairly good at self entertaining. when she's not hungry or tired, she makes lots of happy squeals and screeches. and says a lot of "da da da da da da." (it's reduplicated babbling, people. she is not saying daddy. or at least that's what i'm telling myself). da da is her word for everything. jake. bella. mama. daddy. pick me up, put me down. i'm hungry. i pooped. you know. the whole shebang. da da. and sometimes she whispers it, "da da."
it was super nice out while david was at class so i grabbed our outdoor blanket and took bina and the dogs out to the backyard. there's a nice shady spot beneath our tree back there. i scanned the area for dog poo and found a place big enough for the blanket. both days we did have dog poo not even six inches away from one edge of the blanket. but at least we weren't on top of it. and bina didn't attempt to eat it. win! i brought a few toys for bina and she was content babbling and squealing on the blanket, occasionally crawling to the edge to pull up some grass and try to eat it (she must watch bella). speaking of bella. she likes to photobomb.
i laid back on the blanket and looked up at the tree and the blue sky; the sun shining through the leaves. i looked over at my little girl and just marveled at how adorably curious she is. i watched my dogs sun bathe on the grass and chase after the sound of the ups truck. and i felt blessed.
i'm so looking forward to a slower pace of life. having time to just sit outside and enjoy the sunshine and play on the outdoor blanket with my little babe. not feeling torn between my two roles and instead being able to focus on my babe and our home. being able to be present for the teachable moments we will encounter every day. walking the dogs in our neighborhood with tree lined streets. bina in the stroller and eventually walking herself. being able to join a moms group and hang out with and support other mommies and their littles. being able to stop by and say hi to grandma and grandpa ross and uncle chas and aunt jodi; being able to invite them over for dinner that is just a short car ride away instead of a plane trip across the country.
i have a lot to learn. i'm sure i'll be texting my austin mommy friends a few weeks in exclaiming "what was i thinking?!?! i can't do this stay at home mom thing! it's way too hard!" and i'll have to remind myself that not every day is like today. that sabina won't be two weeks, two months, two years old forever. that though it seems like time is going by slow in the moment, it is going by so very fast. i blinked and my tiny newborn is now 10 months old. i'll blink again and she will be 18. this time at home is the time in the trenches. but i'm so thankful that i have the opportunity to be the one in the trenches. not every mom wants that, and not every mom has the opportunity to choose that. but for this season, i do. and i will find myself some mommy friends to walk alongside me and we will cheer each other on! community is key. i can't do this alone.
so. i have 15 days of work left. 15 days of pumping. that is three weeks of work days. just three weeks! it seems like so long ago when we made this decision in december. and now it's almost here: our big move. we have a house waiting for us. our time here is coming to a close. there are a lot of emotions running through us, and i'm sure we won't really be able to process them until we've been in michigan for several months. because that's what always happens. initially you go through the honeymoon phase. then reality sets in. then it takes a year to get your bearings, establish new relationships. and then it starts to feel like home again.
this last week i got a little glimpse into life at home with bina bina. i know it's going to be hard. but it is going to be so very good. for both of us.