the start of a new year
and just like that, the holidays are over and we are at the beginning of a new year.
i'm excited for what 2017 will bring. the first three months are sure to be action packed. for starters, ann voskamp's the broken way and one thousand gifts are up next on my reading list. i finally finished brene brown's daring greatly, which is a book i think i need to re-read once a month. i'm in the planning stages of launching a ministry at our church to sponsor a syrian refugee family. bible study fellowship, tennis, and MOPS resume next week. on monday, david starts his MBA program taking one class a semester. at midnight on new year's eve, he signed up to run the detroit marathon (the full one!). i turn 31 on january 13. we're escaping the frozen tundra for a long weekend to visit my dad and step-mom at their condo in florida mid february. we are signed up to attend an infant adoption orientation on valentine's day (more to come on that at a later date). and in march we hope to return to austin for a long weekend as a family. we will survive this winter one long weekend vacation at a time!
bina has been working on her two year molars. teething babes are my absolute favorite. i love waking twice a night and enduring heightened emotional intensity. please can i have four more teething babies all at once. kidding. good thing bina is the cutest little babe on the planet (i know, i'm biased).
in addition to the teething, she's my little mess maker getting into everything within reach. we're installing two more baby gates shortly, and i am so thankful for our playroom that we finished before christmas.
the kid really has it out for one of my anthro pillows in the living room. i just caught her trying to pull out some of the stitching. AGAIN. between her and bella. i swear.
now she's running up to me with her little stomping feet and big blue eyes and grabbing my leg and trying to climb up on the chair next to me at the dining room table. oh monkey. she is so exhausting. and so much fun. it's hard when the exhausting overtakes the fun. like. kid. JUST STOP TOUCHING EVERYTHING. and. IF YOU THROW ONE MORE PIECE OF FOOD ON THE FLOOR. but then i get one of her big toothy smiles and it's all worth it. oh and good, she just disabled my iphone trying to enter the code wrong one too many times. and now we're throwing ourself sideways to nurse. how about we try to eat that breakfast you refused earlier, my sweet. and sometimes my sweet quickly turns into a psychotic screaming demon child that is only pacified by the boob. and/or a cheese stick. and just like dr jekyll and mr hyde, my little sweet comes back. at least momentarily. they're not getting those two year molars forever, right?
one of my goals for this year is to be more present and to spend less time on my phone. good thing bina just locked me out of it. maybe i should just give it to her when i'm tempted to grab it every two minutes. i like staying in touch with the outside world through my phone. i like to play podcasts during nap time as i'm cooking and cleaning. but often i find myself needing to respond immediately to a text, or wanting to check instagram, scary mommy, or the news. and it's really just not necessary or at the very least it can wait. i want to start using the time i spend nursing sabina in the morning, before nap, and before bed as time to be in the word or in prayer. checking in three times a day at least, while my little is quiet and contained and nursing. also, i have a major photo problem. i had almost ten thousand photos on my phone before christmas and my storage was almost full. i love my photos and videos. i love reviewing them and looking back on how much sabina has grown. but my goodness. ten thousand is a little overkill. i'm thinking it might be beneficial to spend less time trying to capture the moment and more time just enjoying the moment. which is hard! because i don't want to forget these moments. but unfortunately my phone does not have an endless amount of storage and bina is only 19 months so... something has to give. maybe i should just get six more phones. or use our actual camera we got before we went to the UK several years ago. my name is brittain and i have a picture taking problem. someone help me.
over the holidays i watched the movie spotlight about the boston globe investigating the sexual abuse of children by priests in the catholic church. it kind of wrecked me. the line that stood out to me the most was this: if it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a village to abuse one. even the boston globe, which brought the truth to light about the systemic problem, was guilty of aiding in the coverup by doing nothing with information it was given years prior to the breaking of the story. the movie brought out the mama bear in me. it made me really angry with the catholic church, from the parishioners all the way up to the pope. it made me really angry with everyone in the city of boston and around the world who turned a blind eye, urged others to keep quiet, gave a free pass, exploited the suffering, or didn't seek justice. all of these things led to keeping the status quo, protecting the guilty at the expense of the innocent - perpetuating generations of sexual abuse. so many guilty were protected at the expense of exponentially more innocent. so much lack of action perpetuated the problem.
the thing that makes me the most sick is that the institution that is supposed to care for people best, the church, is the one who perpetuated such disgusting abuse of power. oh humanity. how do we justify these things in our heads. how do we stand as a man or woman of god, allow these things to go on, and still sleep at night. how do we turn a blind eye to the truth. how does the catholic church, instead of sacking those in leadership positions who perpetuated this abuse, elevate them to positions of even higher power. i just. it makes me so angry. it also made me check myself. am i guilty of being part of the village who turns a blind eye in some way? am i too afraid to take a stand because of what people will think or say? because i may be cut off from a community? lack of action is a big part of the problem with a lot of issues. prejudice against and fear of others not like us. am i condoning these things by doing nothing? by maintaining the status quo? i can't solve all of the world's problems. but i can do my part. and that's all i'm accountable for.
so here's to a new year, with new goals and exciting things on the horizon. i know i won't do everything perfectly. i will make mistakes. i will stumble and fall. but i will keep trying, and i will keep going!