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hello, second trimester

15 weeks! and it’s been four since my last blog post. i’ve had several different topics i planned to blog about and then just didn’t make time to do it. so here we are.

we found out we’re having a baby GIRL!

bina was right all along. she called the pregnancy AND the sex of the baby. when we told her the baby was a girl, she didn’t really react. i assumed she would be SO excited! and then it dawned on me — this isn’t news to her. she already “knew” we were having a girl. ha. i thought for sure we were having a boy this time since this pregnancy felt different. david thought girl. at any rate, we’re both thrilled to be having another girl. and now i get to recycle some of bina’s vast wardrobe!

the genetic testing we had came back negative/normal. i found out i’m not a carrier of any of the genetic disorders i was screened for. now we just wait for the 20 week anatomy scan to see how all of baby’s organs are looking.

since we found out the sex of the baby, i’ve been making periodic stops at resale shops to stock up on newborn and 0-3 footed onesies and such. bina was born in the middle of HOT austin summer, so not much of her newborn and 0-3 clothes will be of use to this little one that will be born in the dead of michigan winter. i found the cutest little booties and today i snagged two newborn halo swaddle sleep sacks. baby’s closet is bursting with clothes and i’m not even half way through this pregnancy. what can i say, i’m a planner.

when i found out bina was a girl, i started hunting online for cute little dresses and things. i thought: all of our family will be visiting in the first three months, and i want her to look cute! silly me. who puts little newborns in dresses and things?? we ended up using the short sleeved onesies the most. so this time i’ve wised up and am sticking to the footed onesies as my newborn uniform. socks don’t ever stay on those little feet, so i won’t even bother with those. now i’m just hoping this little one is about bina size when she’s born so she is able to use the newborn size things and not jump immediately to the 0-3!

i ended up tweaking the nursery a bit. once we found out baby is a girl, i just wanted to soften things up a bit. i moved around some artwork between the nursery and the guest room, added some paper butterflies in pastel peach and soft yellow. i’m keeping the teal curtains and one of the teal rugs. i'm deciding whether or not to steal bina's rug from her room or buy a new blush colored one. i think i’ll just reuse bina’s floral sheets that were my favorite. it’s so strange having that starry night nursery prepared since last july for a baby we anticipated but never arrived via adoption. and now here we are preparing for one via birth again. the decorator in me just had to keep tweaking. things can’t stay the same long in our home.

i had leant my maternity clothes to a friend who is due in a week or two and got those back on sunday. i will be borrowing my sister-in-law’s loot. turns out much of mine is work attire since i was working full time during my pregnancy with bina. life is much different now! i live in leggings and casual tops, and active wear. i hit up target online a few weeks ago to order an athletic top and two pairs of leggings to last me (hopefully) the duration of this pregnancy at the gym. and i am so thankful i kept my 10+ year old uggs when i replaced them last year with a new pair. the new pair is more stylish and snug, and i doubt my ankles and feet will fit in them this winter! but the old ones are nice and roomy and should do the trick.

this pregnancy and all the excitement has also come with anxiety, a natural part of pregnancy for women. but with me the anxiety is a bit more intense. i’ve had to do a bit of work on accurate thinking lately. there are just so many things to worry about. and from my experience i feel that it’s much harder when they enter the world and are in your arms than safe in your belly! i find myself thinking of all the things. all the things that could go wrong regarding what i eat (watch out for the dreaded listeria!). all the things that could go wrong with the birth. all the things that will be different this time. all of my parenting decisions with bina and what others think about them (who cares?! i keep telling myself). all of my parenting decisions with bina and whether or not they’re the “right” ones (there is more than one way to do all the things, and there is not necessarily a “right” or “wrong”). i start thinking about all the things i should be doing that i’m not. all the work in the house that isn’t getting done. all the dog hair. the laundry. the dishes. the dust. and then i just want to crawl in a hole and cry. i have done some crying this pregnancy. oh the hormones. they are for real.

i keep having to remind myself that we are doing just fine. that whatever direction this pregnancy/birth/newborn season takes, god will grant grace to navigate it. i can’t do it on my own, but i do have a system of support of family and friends. this time IS different. i’m not sure what to expect. and that is okay. we will make it one day at a time. and if something doesn’t work, we can change it. i’m not locked into any one decision. trial and error, trial and error, trial and error. it’s okay if my decisions look different than those of others around me. i don’t need to conform. and neither do those around me. we can all mother our own way, and love each other and respect different decisions. it’s going to be okay. i feel like i am a broken record of this stuff! clearly it's easier said than done!

tomorrow morning is my next obgyn appointment. i’m looking forward to going with bina again. i just love having her along for this journey of growing a baby. she holds my little belly often and tells me how she loves “our baby.” she still insists the baby is named “baby meena” (what she calls herself). we've tried to inform her that the baby's name is juniper, "june" for short. but she will not accept that. i love her so much. i think she’s starting to grasp the concept that it takes time for baby to grow. she’s started to tell me how baby isn’t ready to come out yet, baby has to get bigger — instead of her usual “doctor cut the baby out now!” (since that’s how she came out of mama as a breech babe). last appointment the doctor had a bit of trouble finding the heartbeat so i got an unexpected vaginal ultrasound with photos of baby. here’s to hoping there isn't any trouble finding the heartbeat this week! though i never mind seeing all of baby in an ultrasound.

so here’s to the beginning of the second trimester (which i hit last week at 14 weeks) and being 15 weeks closer to meeting our sweet baby girl. i’m grateful for each day, each week that i have the privilege of carrying her in my womb.

hello there.

brittain here. just sharing my journey day to day with lots of laughs along the way.

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